MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT PUNS HON

LOUISIANA LANDSCAPERS EDITION: The Pelican State loves a play on words; here are some actual lawn service companies in my 'hood whose names will make you cut up, paired with my knee-jerk reaction to their branding efforts.
  1. Lawn Enforcement
    The guys show up in police uniforms, the kind that a Chippendale might wear. All equipment in their fleet is outfitted with a siren/flashing light combo, which the team captain uses to initiate a "Magic Mike" dance routine, or if you prefer, 10% off your next service. 🔥
  2. Blade's Lawn Management
    I feel like Blade is a really intense teen from the 80's, maybe like the guy from Karate Kid who did the crazy leg sweep and almost killed Daniel-Son. His work would be precise, if unethical. ⚡️😎
  3. Cut Dat Lawn Services
    They cut your lawn in Drew Brees jerseys. Their dream job? Louisiana Superdome. 🏈
  4. Meaux Dat Lawn Services
    Basically "Cut Dat," but Cajun. Every job comes with a free Saints lawn flag and a steaming-hot link of boudin. @Bourdain would you be into this? 🍴🐽
  5. Lawn and Order Mowing Company
    Similar to "Lawn Enforcement," but brainier, darker, and even though there's no dancing, the sexual tension is palpable. When you call for an appointment, the receptionist answers the phone with a simple "dun-dun." 🔫👓💼
  6. Shady's Lawn and Property Management
    There's something about this company; you can't quite put your finger on it. Your lawn gets mowed, but you're not super-comfortable with them being on your property when you're not home. They just seem a little...shady. 👀🌳