Inspired by @ladyprofessor and @roche and @DG and @jaidub and @andersun
  1. This is my childhood neighbor, high-school sweetheart, and lifelong friend, Andy.
    Here we are, two youths in a photo booth.
  2. YOUTHS.
  3. He married Joelle Carter.
    When he introduced me to her, I was nine and a half months pregnant and wearing a pair of Hawaiian-print pants that remain the single biggest fashion regret of my life.
  4. Joelle Carter has been in many films—for example, she was in American Pie 2 with Casey Affleck.
    I never saw this.
  5. Casey Affleck was in Lemon Sky with Kevin Bacon.
    Didn't see this, either.
  6. This gives me a Bacon Number of FOUR, and an AFFLECK NUMBER OF THREE. I have not met either of these men, however, and probably never will. I'm sure this has everything to do with the pants.