πŸ‘“πŸ’ˆMY OLD-TIMEY LEXICON, TRANSLATED

repping the small-town midwest squad since forever
  1. 1.
    "Hell's half-acre"
    As in, "This time, please give me exact directions to the feed store because I am not about to drive all over hell's half-acre looking for it."
  2. 2.
    "He/She could talk the horns off a billy goat!"
    How to describe an individual who talks in excess.
  3. 3.
    "This __________is heavier than a dead priest."
    How to describe an object that weighs more than a clergyman who has spent a lifetime hearing and keeping the confessions of countless others.
  4. 4.
    "Don't you know _______doesn't have the sense God gave a goose!?"
    The individual in question is known for poor decision making.
  5. 5.
    "Heavens to Betsy."
    "Oh, my!"
  6. 6.
    "Heavens to mergatroid."
    "Oh, my!"
  7. 7.
    "Oh, hell's bells!"
    Similar to "For Pete's sake!" or a negative "Oh, my!"
  8. 8.
    "Hell in a handbasket."
    Example: "Well I was going to clean the house, but then the AC went out and the whole day has just gone to hell in a handbasket."
  9. 9.
    "I rue the day I started _________, because now I can't stop!
    To "rue the day" is to curse it, but in a way that expresses regret.
  10. 10.
    "Mollycoddle"
    To handle with kid gloves. "Just because you don't like being wrong, don't think I'm going to mollycoddle you when you are."
  11. 11.
    "Mollywhopping"
    A beating.
  12. 12.
    "Gullywasher"
    A hard rain.
  13. 13.
    "Wrath of God"
    "I can't believe I ran into my ex at the grocery store, on this of all days, with my face broken out and my hair looking like the wrath of God!" Pronounced "rathagod."
  14. 14.
    "Fish or cut bait."
    How to tell someone to make a move.
  15. 15.
    "________could start an argument in an empty house."
    Describes a cantankerous person.
  16. 16.
    "Mugging."
    Kissing.
  17. 17.
    "We'll have to speak above the corn."
    A reminder to choose our words carefully while in the presence of little ears.
  18. 18.
    "Roadie"
    To-go drink. To-go anything, really.
  19. 19.
    "Half-seas over."
    Drunk.
  20. 20.
    "Squad"
    Ambulance. Can also be a verbβ€”as in, "so-and-so was squadded to Methodist hospital last night and no one knows why."