PATRIOTIC THINGS AT WHICH I EXCEL

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  1. β€’
    Wearing a top hat, refusing to tuck in my shirt, and making sure that in every childhood photo, my sister's legs come up to my shoulders.
  2. β€’
    Watching fireworks and taking a few pictures but not too many.
  3. β€’
    Decorating both bikes and children.
  4. β€’
    Almost dying on a carnival ride.
    This isn't necessarily patriotic, but please, National Association of Amusement Ride Safety Officials, if you are on li.st, and you are listening, please take The Hurricane out of the rotation.
  5. β€’
    Sewing the first American flag.