QUESTIONS MY NINE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER ASKED A CANDIDATE RUNNING FOR LOUISIANA HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

  1. ...When she approached him at this mostly-adult function which I admit I attended 100% for the snacks,
  2. Right after she came to me looking for advice and I told her to just say hello, and that if she wanted, she could ask him about some issues that were important in her life-
  3. Like public parks, the arts, or things at school,
  4. And she fist-bumped me in recognition
  5. And marched right up to him in her extremely askew school uniform + unkempt hair, which she recently learned (while AT THE WIG STORE) is the color "Buttered Toast,"
  6. And said, joyously, "Hello, my name is Winnie and I have two questions for you."
  7. "Number one: do you like the song 'Cheerleader'?"
  8. "Number two: how do you REALLY feel about the other candidate?"