REASONS MY SON HAD THE BEST DAY EVER, RANKED IN ⬇️ ORDER BY HOW MUCH ANGST THEY CAUSE ME, HIS MOTHER

I mean... I'm happy, I really am.
  1. 5.
    "We waltzed."
    (it was a special day at school wherein they learned all the historical dances of Louisiana)
  2. 4.
    "Then we two-stepped AND MY ARM WAS AROUND HER WAIST."
  3. 3.
    "She told her friends I smell good, and then THEY told ME."
  4. 2.
    "She leaned in really close and smelled me when we were dancing and that is probably how she knew."
  5. 1.
    "My life will never be the same."