PARROTGATE 2016: This is not a drill
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    As I mentioned yesterday, there's a parrot loose in my neighborhood. A runaway.
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    I'm not sure why or how she left, but people are talking.
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    Even people who clearly know very little about the situation. HELLO, HER name is Penelope. 🙄
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    Seriously, though-this is just the sort of thing that brings a community together. Much more so than last week's carjacking at knifepoint.
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    As with most human/parrot-interest stories, there are going to be "copycat" headlines. SUBTWEETING, if you will.
    See what I did there. 🐤🕊🌳
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    Not to mention, activity on the Facebook page has gone up by one billion percent.
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    Everybody claims to have seen her.
    Dear Person Who Posted This Photo: please be honest: this is really just one of those Magic Eye® posters from the 90's, isn't it? Because I do not see a parrot here.
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    Some people have seen AND heard her. Until...they could no longer see or hear her.
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    🎶 Penelope can you hear me?
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    I think I heard her last night, in my backyard. My reaction was to run inside, terrified, because I have no idea how to catch a parrot.
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    How would I even lure her? With a Pirates of the Carribbean costume? With a cracker?
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    Oh. Okay. Not with a cracker.
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    At the end of the day, people just need to accept that she is having the time of her life "exploring the neighborhood." Sidenote: is this what they tell you to say in Bird Rescue School?
    I'm not buying it.
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    Penelope? If you have @list, please tell us where you are.
    We all know you used to be the greeter at the plant store and your communication skills are 💯
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    But if you can't tell us where-at least tell us why.