TALKING POINTS FOR THE CONVERSATION WE WON'T HAVE WHEN YOU'RE SOBER

Do you remember last night?
  1. This morning on my way out of town I drove past the bar where I picked you up last night.
  2. Because I had a hunch it was time, and also not every cab driver will help you up the steps to your apartment.
    And would you even want them to?
  3. Because someone had to start replacing your brand-new drinks with empty ones--
  4. And because even though I've never seen it with my own eyes, Death by Stella Artois is most certainly a real thing.
  5. I bet it looks a little bit like landing on your own knife.
  6. Really, though--please don't die.
  7. Even if you don't remember it was me who dragged you out of the bar, into my car, and up the steps to your door.
    Over a two-hour period, in a Tracy Reese party dress that will never be the same.
  8. And when you couldn't find your key, it was me who went through your suit pockets, called the Super (who didn't answer), dragged you back down the steps, put you back in the car, and circled the block a dozen times trying to figure out what the actual eff to do with you.
    TBH I did curse you up one side and down the other for every imaginable grievance including why didn't you get me a Christmas present?
  9. It was also me who took your face in my hands and told you all the truths. That you are not terrible, but that you need help. And that I love you.
  10. I do.
  11. That's why I had to leave you there, propped up against your door in the dark.
  12. ...why I said, "Darling, in a few hours, the birds will begin to sing, and you will either be sober enough to get out of this pickle on your own, or you will be dead."
  13. Because I love you, yes.
  14. But also because I knew you'd never remember.