THE THOUGHTS OF A GROWN WOMAN WHOSE PARENTS HAVE NOT YET CALLED HER AT 3:37 PM ON HER BIRTHDAY

  1. 👀
  2. Oh my goodness.
  3. They're going to feel terrible.
  4. And then I'm going to feel terrible.
  5. It's really okay.
  6. WHAT IF THEY ARE BOTH DEAD
  7. Should I call them? I don't want to tip them off and initiate a guilt spiral.
  8. But this is so out of character.
  9. Oh, gosh.
  10. Now I'm sweaty.
  11. Wait! Maybe they can't call because a major weather event has resulted in a mass power outage. I'm not even going to bother verifying this online because probably the Internet is broken, too. And all the cell phones.
  12. How am I typing this list, then?
  13. OH, NO! IT'S BECAUSE I'M DEAD, ISN'T IT?
  14. I'm the dead one.
  15. 😱
  16. My poor parents.
  17. They probably feel really bad now.