THINGS THAT COME STANDARD WITH MY NINE-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER'S OFFER TO BE MY NURSE
I've got the headache, she's got the time.
- •Unlimited Fizzy WaterCountless mugs of La Croix, "paired with ice."
- •An "Updo of Your Choice"If you look good, you feel good, she says. @dena
- •Lots of Sharpie-Drawn Get Well CardsDon't bother saving these because they've already left an indelible mark on the kitchen table.
- •The "Once-In-A-While Dance Show"Don't be misled-this actually occurs every time she comes in the bedroom. It's a classic cabaret-style routine to Nat King Cole's L-O-V-E. One more time for the cheap seats!
- •A Kick-Me Sign Taped To Your BackSeems cruel, but it's an opportunity to explain to her the difference between literal and figurative. As in, she is literally kicking you while you're down. #eachoneteachone
- •A Lice CheckThis was a ruse; she just wanted to get close enough to stick the sign to my back.
- •A "New and Trendier Phone Case?"This will be posed as a question, but is really more of a judgement. As in, "wouldn't you like a...?"