1. When I can't wiggle my toes in my shoes.
  2. Underwear with a center seam.
    Will usually end up in the nearest trash can.
  3. When people ask what I do all day.
  4. Too-tight pants.
    Unless they're high-waisted, and then I feel locked and loaded.
  5. Talking on the phone in public.
  6. Tipping around the holidays. I always want to tip more, but then in the moment I become overwhelmed and end up tipping too much and I run out of money.
  7. Getting in an unmade bed.
  8. When the mailman is trying to shove the post in the mail slot and I am watching from inside and it doesn't fit so I decide to just open the door and take it out of his hands so he can stop struggling but I startle him and then it's weird.
  9. Every time I order anything in a drive-through window. I'm never ready.
  10. Anytime anyone ever had an unrequited crush on me. I felt responsible.
  11. Whenever I can't be myself. Situations in which earnestness is undervalued.
  12. Fire Ants.