THIS CHILD'S LIST OF RULES FOR HER WOULD-BE BOYFRIEND NOAH THAT I COULD MAYBE USE IN MY ADULT LIFE

Have you seen this news-item yet? From Zöe, to Noah.
  1. "Do not get behind me with all that playing and foolishness."
    (Don't get behind me at all)
  2. "Do not speak to me ever, unless it's a greeting, which will be never."
  3. "I have a short temper with people and you ruin my day because you play 2 much."
  4. "You like me but I don't like you I'm 2 young!"
  5. * IF YOU BREAK ANY OF THESE RULES I'M CALLING MY DAD, MY MOM'S FRIEND, MY FAKE MOM, AND A JANITOR I KNOW."
  6. "If you ruin my day I'm going to have to go to counseling."