MY PARENTS' MIDWESTERN SPREAD: Like a contestant in a Nathan's Hot Dog-Eating Contest, I stopped consuming food at 12:00 pm Wednesday to make room for this. I did not, however, dip each bite in water to make it go down easier.
  1. Cup of coffee
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  2. Glass of champagne
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  3. Turkey
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  4. Stuffing
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  5. Mashed Potatoes
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  6. Oyster Dressing
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  7. Corn Pudding
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  8. Butter
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  9. Sweet Potato Soufflé
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  10. Broccoli Apple Salad
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  11. Cranberry Sauce
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  12. Pumpkin Pie
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  13. Deviled Eggs
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  14. Random swigs of whiskey, straight from the bottle
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  15. These painted acorns
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  16. This leather bootie
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  17. An aircraft carrier
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  18. The Hello Kitty Balloon from the Macy's Parade
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  19. I'M A MONSTER
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