THE FIRST 24 HOURS OF HAVING AN IPHONE 6
I've never bought the latest brand new anything, because I'm cheap...until now.
- •Why is this screen so big?
- •Oh he has an iPhone 6. I should talk to him. Oh wait, no it's a Samsung. Never Mind. On all fronts, actually.
- •Wow. I can actually see his entire screen from all the way over here.
- •If I can clearly see his screen from all the way over here...then that means...shit.
- •Everyone can tell that I don't know where I am bc they can see the map on my big ass screen on my expensive ass phone a block away. ..I'm gonna get jacked, huh.
- •This phone is amplifying my midget thumb complex.
- •This phone feels remedial. Or geriatric. Like I had to get the magnified version.
- •Is it distinctly American to equate bigger with better? Is this phone my slice of the American pie? But are mine eyes bigger than my stomach? Have I been duped, bamboozled, hoodwinked into keeping up with the proverbial Rockefellers? Ugh it took two hands to type that.
- •I have to text with my index finger, like my mom. This is stupid.
- •This is why I can't have nice things.