6 MONTHS OF AMAZON

Consumerism! I bought all these things online!
  1. Liposomal glutathione
    The master antioxidant! I got a massive migraine from taking this! Tastes like rotten egg yolk! Anyone want a box of Liposomal glutathione?
  2. Hoover vacuum windtunnel HEPA bags
    My dog's fault! He's 95 lbs of smell bad!
  3. Loose yarrow leaf and flower tea
    Tastes like drinking a bush! Supposed to be good for inflammation!
  4. Bee propolis tincture
    Immune support! Great for if you're pretending to be an old timey brown toothed hillbilly!
  5. Reishi mushroom extract
    Maybe this will save me from death!
  6. Seasnax seaweed Grab and Go packs
    These are messy in your car! Kind of like eating air if the air lived in the ocean and got stuck in a shell!
  7. Oxford 3x5 Glow Index Cards
    Someday I'll stop trying to color code everything and actually write! It's funny to lie to yourself!
  8. Metal handle fly swatter
    We have flies in the summer!
  9. 2 Bertolli Extra Light olive oil Jumbo bottles
    I use this to cook! It's an odd choice but that Chinese Herbalist told me to use it two years ago and I can't break the habit!
  10. San Diego women's felt hat
    This hat goes with everything! People always want to know where I found it! It was twenty dollars! I think it's referring to Carmen!
  11. Hyaluronic acid serum
    I can't tell if this is doing anything!
  12. Cards Against Humanity
    Read the reviews on Amazon for this card game if you want a good time!
  13. Exam gloves
    I use one kind of groggy clay that tears my hands up and turns them orange so I use doctor gloves when I throw with it!
  14. Berlin Natural Bakery Sourdough Spelt Bread
    This bread is great and wheat and yeast free!
  15. Eco Bella Mascara
    I'm a fan of this non-toxic mascara that goes on without clumping and stays on your face all day!
  16. Jade Gua Sha Scraping Massage Tool
    Why is my face puffy? Maybe I'm full of the ocean from eating that seaweed? I don't know! This makes it better!
  17. Magic Pro Dog Deshedding Tool
    My dog's body won't stop falling off!
  18. Soothing Orchid Massage Wand
    This is a dildo I bought for a sketch! Now what?
  19. Schylling binoculars
    These were for the same sketch! Now children use them to look at birds!
  20. Darin Giant Wine Glass
    Same sketch! My friend Laila has it now and I think she uses it! It holds an entire bottle of wine! The store on Amazon was called "The Airplane Store!"
  21. Pebeo Procelaine 150 Chine Paint, Gold
    This is a nice gold luster I used on a pair of ring dishes that I shipped to the Philippines!