ALL THE SCHOOLS I HAVE ATTENDED

This is too many schools for one human.
  1. Good Shepherd
    I remember sticking a penny in my neighbor Will's crack one day at school. There was a girl named C.C. and she had beautiful white blonde hair.
  2. Christ the King Elementary
    We learned how to make communion wafers in 2nd grade. I couldn't reach the top part of my locker and turned red with anger when Mrs. Tyler called me "short stuff." Jacob Doss told me everyone at school thought I was poor. I always had the wrong shoes.
  3. Our Lady of Victory Elementary
    This one was very fun. We rolled our skirts to illegal lengths and made up code names for boys we had crushes on. We played football at recess and when it was over 40 degrees we were allowed to wear shorts. Mrs. Daniels always smelled like roses and one of the priests had a tiny dog named Deacon. I kissed a boy named Cory while sitting on a trash can at the ice skating rink.
  4. Park Forest Middle School
    I scored my first real boyfriend by winning a game of knockout in P.E. When the school underwent construction, all the workers were Amish men in straw hats. I learned how to prevent motion sickness on the bus by listening to Dave Matthews CDs on my No-Skip "Sport" Discman. My friend Nicole had the best sleepovers. I fell in love with Joni Mitchell and none of my friends "got it." My hair sometimes froze walking to the bus in winter. Just like Cool Runnings.
  5. State College Area High School
    Very creative name. I had my first asthma attack. A boy gave me roses in homeroom. I decided to become a painter. No one ever seemed to notice I existed but when my parents threw a surprise going-away party when we moved, so many people showed up. Instead of being flattered, I assumed they came because my pretty friends were there. I listened to J. Lo's "Waiting for Tonight" before going in my first date. We had milkshakes and walked in the rain. I wore Doc Martins and the same pants every day.
  6. The Maclay School
    This was a tough time.
  7. Leon High School
    Oh wait no. THIS was a tough time. I got really into hardcore music. Died my hair a horrible orange. Put plugs in my ears. My mom cried. My English teacher didn't show up for class at least once a week so we would all leave school and get breakfast. I went on dates with horrible boys. One of them tried to kiss me with his parents in the car. I liked that he was vegan. Some friends left me asleep on the beach one night. I played ultimate frisbee barefoot after school and got eaten up by fire ants
  8. Whoops I hated Leon and went back to The Maclay Shool
    I was at the theater every day after school. We went on long bike rides. I worried about my friend Jesika. We kept a coffee machine in an empty locker. Started a philosophy club. I was intimidated by everyone but I was happy. I took AP Studio Art and did a series of portraits of my father. I dated a boy who wore three piece suits to school. Then a dancing pole vaulter. I made gross anatomical art and stuck it in the fridge in the Senior Shack. I was pretentious. That's okay.
  9. Boston University
    This barely counts. I was accepted as a painting major and left after having an existential panic attack at orientation. I still wonder what happened to the sweet people I met there. My school email was figbash@boston.edu or something like that. It was an Edward Gorey reference I made in hopes that I would make like minded friends who appreciated macabre illustration. I am still that person.
  10. Rhodes College
    I got in late admission. This place looked like Hogwarts. The classes were wonderful. My French teacher wrote a book on Hitchcock and the influences he took from French film. I joined the a capella group and felt comfort there. I didn't eat enough. I rode my bike around Memphis and tried to avoid human contact. I did a play in the basement of the physics building. I drunk drove once and swore to never do it again. I was so homesick. I cried a lot. I wrote a paper on female doctors in the 1800's.
  11. The University of Florida
    I lived in a hot box of a dorm, then a shack, then another shack. I thought of being a linguistics major but ended up in the theater dept. I did Aerial Acrobatic Shakespeare in Russia. I lived with my high school friend and some dancers. I joined a sorority out of curiosity. It was a good decision. I stopped being so judgmental but not so naive. I drove a Volvo station wagon. I could smell donuts from my bedroom. I went to exactly 1 football game. I loved the Spanish moss. I wore pearl earrings.
  12. Somehow still don't have a degree.