THINGS HEALERS HAVE SAID TO ME

I seek out alternative health care and healers based in all practices. Everyone means well (with the exception of one intuitive who was a real swindler)! Full disclosure: on my way to a doc now who will teach me to inject homeopathic remedies with a needle & also IV Ozone. The list continues.
  1. "There's a man holding a glass of wine who is very present with us right now."
    Oh. He dead?
  2. "Your left kidney is very energetic."
    Thank you!
  3. "I can feel you feel me in your bones."
    Are we doing it right now?
  4. "You won't feel better until 2017."
    Fantastic!
  5. "I died as a child so now I can see your energy."
    Two people had this story. One was a hypnotherapist and the other practices Alphabiotics.
  6. "You need to eat more okra."
    That sounds practical!
  7. "What is your bladder's name?"
    I said Deirdre.
  8. "Your thymus is slumpy."
    Embarrassing!
  9. "Which way are your sphincters turning?"
    You tell me, baby.
  10. "You let the evil forces in."
    Ok do I need an exorcism or Luke Skywalker?
  11. "I was hit by a truck but when I started gardening my body miraculously healed."
    Oh so all that surgery and therapy didn't do it? (And then I started gardening.)
  12. "Everything everyone has told you is wrong."
    Correct.
  13. "You need to spend more time moonbathing naked."
    Uh huh. (Ps I was 18 and totally followed his advice, tho I'm pretty sure this 50 y o male healer was hoping I'd do it in his presence.)
    Suggested by   @lilydiamond