THINGS MY HUSBAND DOES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD I CRY

Okay maybe I don't cry every time. But I like this guy.
  1. Says really confusing things to me when I'm still asleep in the morning and videotapes me responding to him.
    I won't know he did it until we're at a dinner party and he plays the recording on someone else's Apple TV.
  2. When someone posts an Instagram of me in bed with another man on a film set he comments:
    "As long as he is a clean boy, a nice man, a nice clean washed with soap kind of guy who is bible-read and clean, it's fine."
  3. When he is using my foam roller he very earnestly says:
    "I gotta get my body ready because I gotta get buff. I got the body for it. I'm a big tall guy. I've got natural definition. If I worked out I could be Wolverine. Except I wouldn't have as many muscles or be as handsome. Is this right? Am I doing it right?"
  4. Can't remember lyrics to absolutely any song.
    He always sings the melody from "The Weight" by The Band but thinks the first lyrics are "Went down to Georgia/was lookin' for my family tree." This is a consistent thing that has been happening for at least 5 years.
  5. Says "What's a water bra?" upon reading @AlexandraLouise's list about working in a strip club.
    Sweet boy.
  6. Can only dance with the upper half of his body.
  7. Reprimands our dogs as though they are human children
    He spent a long time having a serious discussion with our 95 pound mutt about eating all of his brother's food this morning. It went something like this: "Did you eat Theo's food? Why would you do that? Do you want Theo to die? We're out of food! Do you want to kill your brother? He's going to die! He's going to starve to death and be dead! What were you thinking?!"
  8. Stuff like this.