1. Getting blocked by Jenny McCarthy during a pro vaccination tirade before I could execute my joke about Donnie Wahlberg.
  2. That I got married before Tinder was born.
  3. Posted selfies of me and my kids because I look awesome even when they look horrendous.
  4. That one time I followed Kristin Cavallari on Twitter for an hour.
  5. Deleting the tweet I wrote about Charlie Hunnam's bum after drinking several glasses of Chardonnay. It was really funny and had the hashtag #charliehunnambum