ACTUAL CNN HEADLINES

  1. No Fresh Lobster? Kim Jong Un gets mad
  2. Can't wake up? 5th graders have solution
  3. America's wheeziest, sneeziest cities
  4. Is the world turning its back on a people?
  5. A computer made my lunch
  6. Springsteen's daughter born to jump
  7. It's like Mario Bros. -- with tampons