HOW I SPEND MY TIME ON FACEBOOK

  1. Backstalking myself
  2. Debating whether it's ironic or just dumb to poke someone
  3. Typing "OH I GET IT YOU'RE BRAGGING BUT MAKING IT SEEM LIKE SOMEONE FORCED YOU TO POST THIS" in someone's self-congratulatory status comment section and then screenshotting it to send to a friend instead of posting it
  4. Contemplate posting on Pete O'Connell's wall "why haven't u replied to my alumni group post DID U NOT MEAN IT WHEN U CALLED ME DOPE SENIOR YEAR" but then thinking maybe too much time has passed and he'll just be a normal person and think that's fucking weird
  5. Looking at old pictures of myself
  6. Looking at my old statuses and chuckling
  7. Wondering if I should at least be the normal type of creepy where I stalk an ex or something but instead look through the notes I wrote freshman year of high school and laugh to myself because oh, Ally!
  8. Consider messaging someone who I haven't talked to since high school "HAHAHA I know right how the years have flown by!" to see how politely uncomfortable they'd be
  9. Tagging my friend in Onion/Clickhole articles I laugh at out loud at in class and then have to cover my mouth and the guy sitting next to me in American Presidency really hates me because I keep laughing during lecture and never have a pen for the sign in sheet
  10. Bully people who haven't instantly responded to the 15 links I just sent them through messenger
  11. Wondering if I ever have to change my cover photo to get the satisfaction of new likes but not wanting to because I really like my cover photo
  12. Can I make this photo of me taken 3 years ago my profile picture
  13. Posting retaliatory embarrassing photos I have filed away on my computer to friends' public timelines because I'm bored and why haven't they responded to those links yet
  14. Become exhausted from being a cyberbully/complete narcissist