THE SMALL PARTS I'VE PLAYED IN THE LIVES OF SOME FAMOUS MEN
Mostly consisting of meaningful eye contact because I don't talk to people
- •Patrick DempseyI stepped back to let him access the packaged sandwiches at a ski lodge cafeteria and he thanked me. It was moderately mcdreamy.
- •Hugh JackmanStood in line next to him to see Lion King on Broadway. He refused some people's photo requests because he was with his kids so I just smiled at him and he smiled back and the skies opened and angels began to sing and I floated away into the luminous heavens.
- •2 out of 3 Culkin brothers (separately, but both times in airports)KEIRAN WHERE ARE YOU BUDDY I NEED YOU FOR THE CULKIN AIRPORT TRIFECTA.
- •Alec BaldwinI was at Soul Cycle to visit a friend who worked there (I don't fuq w/ cycling). A class got out and the class included a very sweaty Alec Baldwin who rolled his eyes at me and fanned himself. I attempted my best "ugh, Soul Cycle, amirite?" look of solidarity even though I have no idea what it's like to Soul Cycle.
- •Kyle MacLachlanThis one got its own list because it was an overwhelming experience for me THE TIME I MAGICALLY SUMMONED DALE COOPER
- •Jorma TacconeStood next to him for an entire 4 stops on the D train but couldn't get homeboy to look my way so I could lock eyes with him from across the room then down my drink while the rhythm boomed. The one time a meaningful look did not come through for me.
- •Stephen ColbertI've been on vacation with Stephen Colbert twice. The second time he walked by me at the pool doing a little dance to himself until we made eye contact, at which point he began to just walk normally. So that's how I embarrassed Stephen Colbert.
- •John WatersSat behind him on a park bench for 20 minutes trying to muster up the courage to say something but he kept getting phone calls and I didn't want to interrupt and then as I got up to talk to him, he got up and left. Does this count as an encounter? Prob not. Do I want to brag about being in the presence of John Waters? Yes.
- •A group of NewsiesIn this episode, the celebrity approaches *me*! I was in the park again and a bunch of beautiful men approached me asking if I would please take some Yankee tickets from them because they won them but hate baseball. I realized they were all from my #1 favorite Broadway musical, "Newsies," so I took the tickets and...... didn't even tell them I knew who they were. I also did not attend the game.
- •Aaron SorkinI passed him on the street and accidentally scowled at him because I was trying to figure out why I knew him. He scowled back but on purpose/in retaliation. I probably deserved it.
- •Reeve CarneyHe sat near me at a production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and at intermission we talked about how cool Julie Taymor is. Very pleasant, I wish him well in all his future endeavors.
- •Jon Bon JoviWas blasting "Livin' On A Prayer" with my friend as we drove down a street in the Hamptons. It was Bon Jovi's street. He was outside on the curb talking to someone in their car and we had to slow down to pass them and our windows were open and he played it so cool while we fumbled with the volume to not seem like stalkers.
- •Jonah HillI went to this super trendy, crowded brunch place and as I tried to get in he was trying to get out. We ended up belly-to-belly in the doorway, it was pretty intimate.
- •Bill ClintonHe made a surprise appearance at a political event my dad took me to as a small child (you know, normal kid stuff). The former Commander In Chief of our country held my hands and said he was proud of me, and little 8-year-old me put on an Oscar-winning smile while secretly thinking "how are you proud of me if YOU DON'T KNOW ME, Mr. President?!" Allyson: immune to charm since second grade.
- •Seth MeyersMy mom and I are stuck in traffic next to him on the highway right now. He's a very generous and careful driver.
- •Robert SchwartzmanMY ULTIMATE TWEEN CRUSH YOU GUYS I STOOD NEXT TO HIM IN LINE FOR 20 MINUTES AT THE TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL TONIGHT MY HEART
- •Joe JonasLast night at an airport restaurant I was in the middle of trying to fit the entire salad that came on top of my burger into my mouth at once when Joe and his entourage walked in and we made DIRECT eye contact while lettuce was sticking up my nose. Later on in dinner I caught him watching me desperately hold back a sneeze. Joe Jonas knows too much.
- •Keegan-Michael KeyWas watching free opera in Washington Square Park tonight and turned around and he was right behind me. I did a really obvious double take which he really obviously saw. You would think I'd be better at this by now.