1. I'm not really sure what kind of funeral service I'd like. Surprise me.
  2. Feel free to attach monofilament to my lips and eyelids for hilarious open-casket pranks!
  3. I don't care what it says on my tombstone, as long as it's not in Comic Sans.
  4. Please donate whatever money my family doesn't want to the ACTF (American Camel-Toe Foundation).
  5. If possible, try to prevent Variety from using "Weird Al Eats It!" as their obit headline.