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  1. Louis Tomlinson's instagram
  2. The part in Broadcast News when she gives him the shoulder pads
  3. A video of Jonathan Groff and Lea Michele eating starbursts together
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  1. 24K Magic - Bruno Mars
    Lyric: Don't look too hard, might hurt ya self. Resolution: Stop creeping any social media posts older than 2 weeks bc the past belongs in the past.
  2. Ultralight Beam - Kanye
    Lyric: I will field their questions, I will feel your pain. Resolution: Swoop in and change the subject whenever you hear someone asking a college student what their plans are for the next year.
  3. Work from Home - Fifth Harmony
    Lyric: Put in them hours, I'mma make it hotter. Resolution: Add an increasing amount of hot sauce to every meal until you work up enough of a tolerance to have viral videos of you effortlessly eating record-breaking hot peppers.
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  1. Cat greeting card and 50/50 tickets that won me NOTHING
  2. Never forget #MileyWhatsGood
  3. Reminder to make a vet appointment
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  1. 1.
    Cheap Thrills - Sia
    Gotta do my hair, get the bleach all on / the pool is green and my locks look wrong
  2. 2.
    One Dance - Drake
    I need some pasta, got a great big bowl in my hands / but it's green and its gross, get the other one that I like instead
  3. 3.
    This is What You Came For - Calvin Harris
    Phelpsy, this is what you came for / jealousy strikes every time we swim
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Thank you @combatdavey for this excuse to fangirl over my own tweets. I'm over at @alyssawool on Twitter. Xo Gossip Girl.
  1. My biggest fear is that there will never be another movie scene that effects me as much as Elle Woods realizing pool boy was gay did
  2. The words former & latter are the adult equivalent of fruit Rollup & fruit by the foot bc I really have to think to remember which is which
  3. For something called a "ruler," it's a surprisingly underutilizes member of the school supplies family
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  1. Talking 'bout workouts
  2. And pics I look bad in
  3. Never have I ever
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  1. Who in the world is Carmen Sandiego's aesthetician bc dem brows look good
  2. What in the world is Carmen Sandiego's current frequent flyer status bc she should've been George Clooney in Up In The Air
  3. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego's backup hat bc she seems like the type of lady who's always prepared
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  1. You have barely any personal pics on your phone
    Bc they were hastily deleted when you kept getting "storage full" notifications while trying to get a pic of the new staff member you need to introduce on Facebook
  2. Your friends are tired of you complaining about how insta only lets you sign in to 5 accounts at a time
  3. You wish there was a class you could take that teaches you how to stay on top of your notifications without rudely ignoring whoever's trying to talk to you
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  1. More specifically: a list of recommended books to read that I have bookmarked
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  1. Lint roller
  2. Toothbrush
  3. Framed photo of Jonathan Taylor Thomas
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