1. Talk less, smile more
    For when you're on a date with a really hot guy but he starts talking about how equal employment opportunities have made it really hard for white guys to get jobs
  2. I will lay down my life if it sets us free
    For when you sacrifice yourself and act as a decoy in a game of Capture the Flag so your friends can make it back to safety
  3. Then you walked in and my heart went boom
    For when you're sitting by yourself at a wedding reception and you're feeling super sad about being single but then the pizza delivery guy arrives and you know there's nothing that a slice of Meat Lovers can't fix.
  4. I'm willing to wait for it
    For when you're trying to make abstinence based sex education sound hip
  5. I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory
    For when you need something melodramatic to say to show your mom how unhappy you are about having to do the dishes AGAIN.
  6. Yo, who the f is this
    For when you need an alternative to 'new phone, who dis?'
  7. Despite our estrangement, I've got a small query for you
    For when you haven't talked to your ex-best friend in years but they're the only one who'll have the gossip on that girl you went to high school with who just posted an engagement announcement even though she's only been in a relationship for 3 weeks.
  8. And then we'll teach them how to say goodbye
    For when you're creating a lesson plan for the French class you teach as your side hustle