HOW JESUS AND MY NEWLY RETIRED IPHONE 5C ARE KINDA THE SAME

  1. They were both baptized
    My phone had the unfortunate experience of being dropped in a toilet at the Delta Prince Edward.
  2. They both rose from the dead after 3 days
    After the toilet incident, my phone spent 3 days in a bag of rice and worked as good as new for another year and a half.
  3. They're both part of a trinity
    My phone, my iPad, my MacBook. Bless.
  4. They both delivered the gospel aka good news
    My phone was especially concerned with the gospel of retweet notifications
  5. They both performed miracles
    Like the time I couldn't remember who invented light bulbs and I googled it just in time to contribute a killer joke in a group convo