HOW TO BE THE HUGH GLASS OF YOUR OPEN CONCEPT OFFICE
The Revenant is more relevant to your every day life than you think...
- •Camp gets attacked (someone sets up their work station right beside you even though there's a spot open 2 desks over)Defend yourself & flee. Let your garbage pile up on their side of the desk and then request a desk change.
- •Power struggle with Fitzgerald (you disagree with a coworker on whether the window should be open or closed)Don't back down. You sit closer to the window anyway so do what you want BB.
- •Mauled by the bear (someone tears a strip off you to the boss with full knowledge that you can hear every word)Cling to the hope of a promotion - it's painful right now but you'll come out on top in the end. Leo carried around those bear claws and you're gonna carry around a Birkin while that traitor colleague clings to their messenger bag from Target.
- •Your son gets murdered (the project you've worked on for months gets scrapped by your nemesis)Allow yourself to mourn the work and then resolve to get your revenge: aka that promotion you were hoping for in the previous bullet.
- •Abandoned in the wilderness (you carpool to Swiss Chalet for lunch and they leave without you when you go to the bathroom)Be resourceful: walk, run, get an Uber.
- •Swept by rapids over a waterfall (someone makes fun of you for doing your eyeliner at your desk and it turns into a full out roast of your millennial ways)Ride the wave. Have a laugh. Listen to the new Rihanna album and pity your baby boomer co-workers for missing out on the magic.
- •Blizzard Times (someone is shamelessly yelling at their boyfriend on the phone and it's giving you a stress headache)Look for an ally. Send an IM to your funniest co-worker about how annoying the situation is and let their hilarious insights soothe your soul.
- •Horse Fort (someone has a gross smelling lunch and you don't know how to escape if)Keep a scarf sprayed with your fave perfume at your desk for emergencies like this. Wrap yourself in it to diffuse the smell.