- •Blessed are the poor in spirit animalsFor that is an offensive term that no one should be using anyways
- •Blessed are they who mourn the 90sFor they will be comforted by endless Facebook memes
- •Blessed are the Meek MillsFor they shall inherit the key to Nicki's heart
- •Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for free wifiFor they shall be satisfied by Starbucks all over the world
- •Blessed are the artisanalFor they shall obtain Instagram sponsorships
- •Blessed are the Melissa Joan HartsFor they shall see a resurgence in residual checks as ABC Family plays Sabrina the Teenage Witch reruns for the rest of eternity
- •Blessed are the app makersFor they shall be called by long lost family members looking for money at least once a week
- •Blessed are those who are persecuted for their love of boy bandsFor theirs is the kingdom of heaven.