1. He's at the beach and some obnoxious tween keeps yelling "WHAT SHE ORDER"...he refuses to answer. It was fish fillet though.
  2. He just had LASIK. He didn't need it but figured if he lasered his already 20/20 vision, he'd be able to see into Heaven.
  3. He's at his granddaughter's baptism. Whenever someone asks him what's up w the sunglasses indoors, he answers "cuz her future so bright."