THINGS MY 95 YEAR OLD GREAT GRANDMOTHER TELLS ME

  1. She showers that much because she has a guilty conscious.
  2. I think 42 is a good age for you to start with Botox.
  3. All of you guys put your lives on that Facebook thing. You leave nothing for the imagination.
  4. What is it called when you network with people? Oh network! I think people do that on The Facebook
  5. People don't get excited for others to get jobs. They are probably just happy they are making money.
  6. No that chicken we ate was so big because that restaurant likes fat chickens. Steroids in chickens is just ridiculous.
  7. You have childbearing hips.
  8. I don't want a surprise party. I'm just surprised I made it to 95!