REASONS WHY NEW YORK CITY IS DANGEROUS

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  1. You might get spit on by the lady who doesn't approve of the naked cowboy but has bad aim
  2. You might run into your favorite famous person and realize they are an ass hole and thus ruining your fictitious relationship
  3. You might start to feel severe heart ache when you've lost the Hamilton lottery for the 14th time and nothing but $500-$800 for an actual ticket will cure it
  4. If not needed at work you could genuinely spend 3 days in an apartment on a couch watching Rick and Morty without intent of leaving
  5. You might wake up one day to find your bank account empty from countless exotic takeout orders at various times of the night
  6. You might become good friends with the weed delivery guy and feel sad when he's too far from you to stop by
  7. You might struggle between choosing sloppy chic and actually trying to be chic on a night out and you will always pick the wrong one
  8. You will never be able to go to a classic fancy brunch place unless you decide you want to go on Sunday 7 weeks from now
  9. You will continue living here despite these terrifying dangers and they will haunt you every damn day