PEOPLE I'VE MET ON THE BUS

Why am I not writing a book on these people?
  1. Snorlax
    A large man with grey hair who fell asleep on me once, crushing me against a window as he snored loudly into my ear.
  2. Asian Kris Jenner
    Kris's twin of Asian descent. She gets on the bus in her high heels like a boss and plays games on her iPad for the entire bus ride. I love it when she plays Diner Dash... not that I watch over her shoulder.
  3. Bag Girl
    She wears a winter coat in 90 degree weather and has bags (plastic and material) hanging from all of her limbs. What is in that bag hanging around your neck, ma'am? What about the one you're dragging with your feet?
  4. Peter Heaven
    Not an alias; it is really his name. He tells the bus driver stories about his dead friends, but he always gets off mid-story. I never did find out how George was killed...
  5. The 5:25PM Driver and His Girlfriend
    He's an attractive man with white hair, and she's a young blonde. She's always in the front seat so the driver can tickle her toes as he drives. One time, they ordered pizza while driving, and I am pretty sure they ate it and then fucked when everyone got off.
  6. Topper
    An old man who always wears a top hat. He gets on the bus and makes you move over if you're in the front seat. He sits, reclines his seat back so it's on the lap of the person behind him, and then he reads the paper until he falls asleep. He makes it seem like he can't walk, but I saw him sprint to the bus one morning. Got your secret, but will I keep it?