PROOF THAT I AM A DUFF
The Duff is the person that someone will go to because they are approachable. The Duff is the girl that a guy befriends when he wants to get closer to another girl. Welcome to my fucking life.
- •It all started in first grade.I wish I could tell you that college was the first time I've experienced this, but nope. The most popular guy in my class (and obviously my crush) asked me to draw a heart so he could give it to someone on Valentine's Day. I thought it was for me. I spent what felt like an eternity drawing the most perfectly shaped heart my little hands could muster up. I was practically sweating from how excited I was to receive a valentine from the cutest boy I knew. Guess what? It was for my friend.
- •Then the fifth grade tragedy struck...I've "loved" a lot of guys in my day, but my first true "love" came along in fifth grade. He wasn't popular; he wasn't really anyone's crush... but he was mine. We talked on AIM all night long after school, and one night he asked me if I had a crush on anyone. I remember thinking, "this is it, Amanda. This is where he tells you he likes you." Guess what? It was just a segway for him to tell me he liked my best friend. Guess what else? I helped him get her to be his girlfriend. I was pathetic.
- •But wait til you hear about middle school!He was really my first "love" if you'd like to call it that. He was beautiful and quiet and the first boyfriend I ever had. My teachers knew how I felt about him. Everyone did... except for me. I dumped him, and that's when all of my friends thought it was a good idea to fall for him. Guess what? He would have me up for hours making me laugh and telling me he loved me. Then, right when I would tell him that I made a mistake and I loved him too, he'd ask me for one of my friends' numbers.
- •As if this would ever get better in high school of all places...Still loved that middle school boy more than I ever thought I could. He would call and ask me what I would want to do on a first date or what kind of jewelry I would want on Valentine's Day. I thought this was my second chance. Guess what? He used my responses on one of my close friends. I had to watch them kiss and cuddle at the lunch table every single day. Guess what else? That boy still knows how to mess with my emotions. I'll never learn.
- •You thought it would end by the time I went to college?My best friends from college are beautiful. They know me better than most people do, and they knew how "in love" I was with a certain boy. I spent two years trying to get his attention. Two years working up the courage to talk to him about something other than the dining hall food. Then, we all go out, and he's dancing with me. Me! Of all people! Guess what? He left me as soon as he spotted my friend... and they made out all night. In case you were wondering, she and I laugh about it now.
- •Now... I'm just living. I can't even put this into a category anymore.He's perfect. I've known him almost my whole life, and I always wondered what would happen if I ever admitted my feelings. Well, I did. A few times. Drunk, of course. It seemed to work really well for me, but there was something there that didn't feel right. Ah! I know! My friend. She's beautiful and bubbly. Whenever we're all together, I think things between me and him are going to work. Guess what? He's always running back to her. I am just a kiss and a quick conversation.
- •This was actually a really sad reflection on my love life, but I kinda feel great letting all of that honesty out into the world.