Stop asking me when I'm having kids

  1. We *just* got married, so calm your ass down
    We've been married for about eight months, and if we had a dollar for every time someone asked, we could have paid for the wedding (haha ok no not true at all, but I'd still have enough dollars to buy myself a treat)
  2. It's IF, not WHEN
    If you're going to ask, you should ask "if". "When" assumes my husband and I are going to have kids. We are both open to the idea, but we have not made a definitive decision one way or the other, as we are both very career-focused right now.
  3. But really, stop asking
    The decision to have children is so personal, yet everyone asks like they're asking if I tried the spinach dip (I probably have, and it was probably delicious).
  4. I always have a comeback on deck, but I always bite my tongue
    Such responses include: when are YOU having kids (to a nosy but well-meaning aunt)?, none of your business, hey have you tried the spinach dip?
  5. Because anything other than "not anytime soon [nervous laughter]" seems rude
    The nervous laughter is very important to indicate politeness. The real way I want to answer this is "Not 👏 anytime 👏 soon 👏"
  6. Admittedly, I've probably asked the same question at some point
    Many of us probably have asked without even realizing it, since it's such a common, apparently socially-accepted question to ask
  7. But now I am hyper-aware of this question being asked and hope you are too
    Now that I hear the question all the time, I think it's rude and annoying af, and some others probably do too
  8. And now some personal stuff
    While I'm on the subject... I know this is a safe space, and I have to let it out
  9. My husband is 13 years older than I am, and I know his family (and some of mine) is very excited
    His family has been waiting a long time, but I'm just getting my life started at 28 (almost 29). And I know everyone is excited to be a grandparent or aunt or uncle or whatever, but we are not having kids just because our parents are bored.
  10. And I know he loves kids and wanted kids but is also open to the possibility of not having them
    He's backed off the ideal "we are definitely having kids" and waking up to the reality of "Are we ready for our lives to change this much? Can we even afford to have kids? Will we be good parents? It's nice to be auntie and uncle and give them back..."
  11. But I can't help but feel guilty about possibly not having kids
    Don't worry, I'm not going to be guilted into having kids if I don't want to... But I sure feel really guilty about a childless life even being an option. Why does society make this choice feel so wrong?
  12. This is not how the first year of marriage was supposed to be
    I think about this often... because it comes up often
  13. It really isn't anyone's business but mine and my husband's
    And yet, it still always manages to be topic of conversation.
  14. Thanks for listening, guys.
    ❤️