if my cat came with a "what to expect in the future" guide...
...it would look something like this:
- •You will never be able to wear black againso much fucking fur. everywhere. #longhairDOcare
- •He'll figure out how to open doorsgood luck keeping him in/out of places (ie: roommate's rooms). and good luck sleeping while he spends 30 min trying to open a locked door.
- •If you fail to feed him whenever the H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS he wants then he will tear down everything on your wallsripped posters for days. and he'll look you right in the eye while he does the deed.
- •Your laptop will 100% be his bedespecially when you're trying to finish important work
- •Anything you don't want him to use as a bed will become his bedface, black sweatshirt (see #1), on top of cabinets so you can't reach him, etc.
- •The Craigslist woman you met in a Walmart parking lot to retrieve said cat will be wrong about his sexRoo was a girl for three months. #toteshadballs #bigfurryones
- •He'll have some OCD thing where the scratches the side of his litter box for ten minutes after he's done doing his businesswho needs sleep anyway?
- •If he pukes he will make sure it's on your new white rugmy fault for buying a white rug?
- •He'll kill fliessometimes, unless he gets bored with them
- •He will beg for food like a dogso when you're drunkenly enjoying your deli sami and Doritos at 4am he will steal the food out of your fingers/mouth
- •Your friends will like him better than youThis might be a me problem?
- •He'll know when you're about to walk through the door and will greet you occasionally😻😻😻
- •When you're getting dressed he'll look at you like "maybe you didn't need that taco bell for breakfast, amanda"or so it seems like that's what his face is saying
- •He'll look majestic af#notabadthing
- •If you try to take him somewhere on the subway, he will get scared and pee everywhere.that was awkward. my b for getting a canvas pet carrier? #peeweeherman
- •In the rare case that a potential mating partner is staying over, said cat will refuse to leave the bedroomunsure if he's overprotective, territorial, or just fucking annoying
- •When you're away for the weekend you'll actually start to miss that bastardhe's a pretty cool guy