27 THOUGHTS I'VE HAD WHILE AT WHOLE FOODS

When I'm feeling extra pretentious, I throw on workout gear, hop in my 2004 Jeep Liberty, and drive the 15 minutes to the elite Whole Foods in Manhasset, NY.
  1. Why is it so damn crowded it is 11 AM on a Wednesday!! Oh soccer moms. And nannies.
  2. Everyone here looks so damn good
  3. Maybe I'll go on a juice cleanse?
  4. No I can't do that I like burritos too much
  5. *sees a SoulCycle enthusiast* if you wanna look like that you should give up solid food!
  6. No Amanda stop you know you wouldn't be able to
  7. What's the harm in buying ONE green juice?
  8. $7 FOR A BOTTLE OF GREEN JUICE
  9. I did get paid last week..
  10. Alright it'll go in the basket, but it's just a maybe!!
  11. Who are you kidding you're going to buy that green juice
  12. Oh god people buy cake mix here? It's like $2 at stop & shop and $8 here byeee
  13. Ooh organic canned soups!!
  14. Hey focus you want to make yourself a sick salad at the salad bar!
  15. They only have tofu?? And chick peas??
  16. Oh god no please no
  17. Might as well stop by the bakery
  18. THEY HAVE THE DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
  19. They're from whole foods so they HAVE to be good for you
  20. Alright two won't kill me
  21. Okay time to checkout Amanda don't look at anything else keep walking
  22. VEGGIE STRAWS! Okay one bag only
  23. Hellooo handsome cashier who is probably an aspiring actor/director/hot yoga instructor
  24. $27 FOR GREEN JUICE, COOKIES, AND VEGGIE STRAWS!?!?!?!
  25. Oh yeah I wanna donate $2 to the Feline AIDS/Farmers foundation or whatever charity you're promoting this month
  26. $29.87 later and I'm strolling out of Whole Foods ready to conquer the day!
  27. Actually I think I'm just going to shoot over to Chipotle