STAGES OF BEING DENIED BY A HOTTIE
This is for all of you crazy kids who are perpetually single and want to be reminded of what it's like to be rejected/ignored by the opposite and/or same sex (if you're someone in a relationship your presence is not welcome bye)
- 1.When you first get to the bar/club & drink like there's no tomorrow bc heyyy you're young and you need some liquid courage to approach that fineee piece of ass!! (But if you pre-gamed the right way you'll only spend $10 at the bar but that's besides the point)
- 2.When you scan the room for you potential bae/hookup/spouse/life-partner & you finally find one!
- 3.Target acquired! Your next mission? Have your best friend hype you tf up so you can stumble your way over to said person. Your BFF will tell you that he/she is most definitely not out of your league bc you're so pretty!! And so hot!!
- 4.The walk over to the your potential/possibly regrettable midnight tryst is crucial. Should you be subtle? Or sexy? A combination of the two? It doesn't matter. In the words of Abby & Ilana, YAAASSS KWEEN
- 5.Finally! You're standing in front of this smoke show trying to form a coherent sentence. Through your slurred mumbo jumbo, the person in front of you can vaguely make out the words "You? Me? Drink? Dance? Soup snakes?" It's complete gibberish and you think the person is LOVING IT
- 6.Alright you spilled your heart out now you wait. Jesus why is he/she taking so damn long to respond. Why are they swaying back and forth? Oh wait I'm swaying back and forth. I wonder what my grandpa would think of me right now? Oh god they're opening their mouth...
- 7."Ya know I'm really shy I don't like to dance?" "I don't really drink." "You should talk to my friend!" These are real sentences I've heard at the bar and they absolutely SUCK
- 8.You've been properly rejected, what now? Try to gather the remaining bits of dignity and go back to your friends. You might feel dejected but that's okay! Broken people tell the best stories!
- 9.You're back at the table & your friends are pressuring you to do another round of shots! One rejection isn't gonna kill you, kid! Down that shot of Jack and approach your next victim! (Maybe this one will work out?)