Things I Never Thought I'd Do/experience Before Motherhood

let's face it, motherhood is weird. real, real weird.
  1. the whole pregnancy and delivery experience
    gas, peeing non stop, when the baby dropped. delivery the placenta. it is all more than i knew to expect.
  2. get excited for poop
    after days of a constipated baby, i nearly popped some champagne to celebrate the fact that my son pooped. my mom was watching him and i made the poor lady send me photos of it to make sure it was the right consistency.
  3. cry over spilled milk
    yes you have seen the good ol' meme saying something along the lines of 'who ever says there's no crying over spilled milk never spilled breastmilk.' it is true. in the middle of an exhausted fit, i dumped a bottle of breast milk all over the floor. i kneeled over it like it was a person i loved and sobbed like a baby.
  4. poop extraction
    if you have ever had a baby that is constipated for awhile, or poo has solidified and cries when trying to go, you have ripped out of the diaper, pumped those legs, and maybe even grabbed a wipe and tried to help pull it out. a mother's love, my friends.
  5. pee on my face
    moms of boys, you know this has happened, maybe regularly. my first peed on my daily for a month. i got lucky with my second. six months in and i have only had it happen twice.
  6. sit in a tub with poo
    pee and poo are such a trend. i did not realize my baby pooed until i saw it floating around, far away from him. it. was. horrifying.
  7. wiped poo on my yoga pants
    we've all done it. got a little on our finger during a diaper change. like turk says in scrubs, ' If you got baby poop on your thumb, it's no big deal you can just wipe it off on your jeans like that.'
  8. explain certain things
    in the past week i have explained: why you cannot take off undies and sit on your baby brother's face, why you have to wipe after going potty, that licking the dogs is bad, why we cannot use fire on the pets, and why it is social unacceptable to lick strangers hands
  9. love so fiercely.
    it is a truly indescribable love that you ache for when they sleep. and cannot imagine ever losing.