Mercury in retrograde? My life is falling apart? There's probably a lot of reasons I'm having trouble adulting these days.
  1. My eye is fucked up
    Busted blood vessel. No clue how it happened. First thought: I'm dying. Second thought: I need to drink more water.
  2. Forgot to pay rent
    I mean, I can pay it. I just forgot to write the check cause I got caught up talking about hot vanilla guy names. Oops.
  3. My pinky toe is black
    One more ram into a hard object and that bitch is just going to fall off.
  4. I spent (mostly) all of my money on Bloody Mary's this past weekend
    So now I'm fucking STRAPPED. And I still have a week until payday and take my mom out for brunch for Mother's Day. Ffffffuck.
  5. I used up the rest of my dry shampoo
    Just take a WILDDDDDD guess? Yeah. Still didn't shower yet.
  6. I have no idea what I'm doing
    I'm basically running on fumes of Adderall and Starbucks lattes.