🐝 DEAR BOYS OF BUMBLE

I have some advice for you. I'm peeved by your fellow man's lack of profile making sense, so I'm here to help.
  1. DO: Have a bio.
    Easy. I want to know that you have some kind of personality. Plus it helps me come up with material to open with since I gotta start this shit.
  2. Obviously this guy is cool cause he quotes Joe Dirt.
  3. DO NOT: Think that girls are going to be impressed you play golf.
  4. DO: Use more than one picture.
    Ok, I get it. You're not vain. That's totally cool but I need more than just one blurry picture, please?
  5. DO NOT: Use objects as pictures.
    You can talk about your obsession with graphic tees once I swipe right and message you.
  6. DO: Make sure to at least post one solo picture.
    Especially if you're using pictures of yourself with the same friend a few times. Help to discern which you are so as to not possibly get my hopes up.
  7. DO: Remember which angles you look best using.
    Yes. This works well.
  8. DO NOT: Forget about those angles.
    The only plus about this is I'm imagining what you'd look like on top of me and this will sometimes cause me to swipe left.
  9. DO: Use cute goofy pictures of yourself.
    If you need help picking one because you can't decide, find a female to do it for you. This will gain you right swipes.
  10. DO NOT: Put the same picture of yourself more than once.
    THIS. OK. This site is all about first impressions? So impress me by at least finding one more decent picture of yourself or just delete it. Easy.
  11. This just makes you look messy.
    ARE YOU ALSO A PERSON WHO CAN MORPH INTO A FLAG?? What is going on?? If you've got American pride I salute you but this ain't gonna woo me into anything.
  12. DO: Mention your height.
    This is good for the chicks who aren't the size of twelve year olds, like myself (men are rarely shorter than I am at 5'4"). Just have to gauge if we can wear heels around you or not.
  13. This is my holiday gift to you. Hope it helps you out!