1. Freak out.
  2. Swear. A lot.
  3. Turn off phone.
  4. Threaten to skin asshole cat.
  5. Run to the kitchen.
  6. Go through every shelf to find rice that doesn't have shit mixed in it.
  7. Freak out some more.
  8. Continue swearing loudly.
  9. Find box of rice mix that has minimal amounts of shit in it.
  10. Rip through more cabinets to find something to put rice in.
  11. Rip box of rice open and spill half on the floor.
  12. Continue swearing.
  13. Get rice in a plastic bag.
  14. Threaten to kill sister.
  15. Stuff phone in bag and push out excess air for a tight seal.
  16. Think this might be a good time to finally update to a new phone.
  17. Wonder if this is a sign from above to move forward with technology.
  18. Shake bag vigorously.
  19. Curse at asshole cat.
  20. Wait.
  21. Wait.
  22. Go to work while you wait.
  23. Wait some more.
  24. Accidentally press button to turn phone on.
  25. Email mom about situation.
  26. Stare at phone as it blinks the white Apple as it tries to turn on.
  27. Freak out internally.
  28. Think this is the end.
  29. Get busy with work.
  30. Phone turns on.
  31. Be amazed.
  32. Consider still getting new phone.
  33. Text someone cute.
  34. Know there's a good chance if they don't text you back you can blame it on the phone.
  35. Breathe.
  36. Continue to loathe asshole cat.
  37. Imagine phone blowing up in your hands when you try to charge it later.
  38. Keep phone in rice, just in case.