WHAT IT'S LIKE TO DATE ME

Inspired by @DanaDigsYou! (Props to @bobbyhundreds) She linked me to my Aquarius chapter.. The actual list, not my uncompleted draft. Hold on to your dicks cause this is accurate as fuck and probably tmi.
  1. I hope no one who will potentially date me reads this cause, like I told @DanaDigsYou, this is just screaming a warning not to date me.
  2. "She dreams different dreams than you or I. She hears a distant drummer and follows a star most of us have never seen."
    In short: I'm fucking weird. Also, I love weird things. Really all about shock and awe.
  3. "Like a half-remembered song. You can hum the melody, but the lyrics keep slipping away."
    Like that Puff Daddy song "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down."
  4. "She has charming manners, and usually behaves in a timid, almost reserved way. Then comes one of those sudden urges, and out will pop a remark with absolutely no relation to what anyone is saying."
    I can't help it. My brain works in weird ways and you'll be talking about one thing and then it will remind me of something else and I will have to tell you about it. The best way to handle this is to kiss me and acknowledge my statement and then gently lead the conversation back (brownie points if you can do this with a witty transition). I will love you forever for this.
  5. "She won't care if you're not the richest man in town, but she'll expect you to be respected in some way for your intellect."
    Money is one thing on this planet I could give a fuck less about. I don't care if you can fly me on a jet. If you can't stroke me mentally you will not be stroking anywhere else.
  6. "Never talk down to an Aquarian female."
    Respect is one of those things that means a lot to me. So don't fucking do it. I would never, regardless of how crazy or out there your idea is, disrespect your thoughts that you shared with me. It's disgusting to think people do this to each other and to do it to someone you love and care about? Seriously, go fuck yourself.
  7. "First misty then practical. First timid then rowdy."
    My mental process is everywhere and nowhere all at once. Don't even ask me why. I have no idea.
  8. "Probably dissected your psyche under a microscope before she gave you a second glance."
    I can tell pretty quickly if this is gonna go somewhere or not.
  9. "Her lack of suspicion under normal circumstances is a special bonus. She won't suspect you without cause."
    I will never doubt you unless you give me a reason to. My gut will let me know when I need to be worried and I will start playing detective the moment that I feel like you aren't telling me the whole truth about something. I always find out. Always. I'm an amazing detective when I need to be. Just ask my ex-boyfriend.
  10. "If she doesn't really need you she'll simply walk away. Don't try to kindle the embers, they're stone cold dead. Of course, you can still be friends."
    BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA accurate.
  11. "She'll usually be truthful to a fault, but remember telling a lie is one thing. Refraining from telling the whole story is another."
    I will always tell you the truth. However, it is not my fault if you don't ask the right questions.
  12. "She's a little bit of magic."
    *Plays "Witchy Woman" on blast*