NINJA MOM SHIT I'M GREAT AT
- •Popping a balloon without making a fucking sound.Balloon animals, half inflated birthday party remnants that look like a human in the dark and scare the shit out of me, fully inflated funfair balloons. I CAN POP THEM ALL WITHOUT MAKING A DAMN SOUND.
- •Coming up with bedtime stories on the spot.With a moral, and a plot.
- •Successfully performing the Heimlich maneuver on a toddlerI'm 2 for 2
- •REM sleep to FULLY AWAKE and war ready in less than a second.
- •Knowing when my kid is going to puke WITH enough time to avoid a hazmat clean up
- •Gauging a fever (within a few decimal points) without a thermometer.