NINJA MOM SHIT I'M GREAT AT

A list for @shanaz & @mallofamanda & all the other MIA list Ma's out there.
  1. Popping a balloon without making a fucking sound.
    Balloon animals, half inflated birthday party remnants that look like a human in the dark and scare the shit out of me, fully inflated funfair balloons. I CAN POP THEM ALL WITHOUT MAKING A DAMN SOUND.
  2. Coming up with bedtime stories on the spot.
    With a moral, and a plot.
  3. Successfully performing the Heimlich maneuver on a toddler
    I'm 2 for 2
  4. REM sleep to FULLY AWAKE and war ready in less than a second.
  5. Knowing when my kid is going to puke WITH enough time to avoid a hazmat clean up
  6. Gauging a fever (within a few decimal points) without a thermometer.