THIS IS CHRISTMAS™

Our weird rules and traditions, not budging.
  1. Christmas music can begin the morning after thanksgiving. But when in the car should be listened to on FM radio ONLY.
    (This is so the Mervis Diamond Importers commercials become part of your Christmas soundtrack)
  2. NO MULTICOLORED LIGHTS* - plain white only, absolutely no blinking.
    ......
  3. *Unless they are the old fashioned large bulb ones my grandmother used to have.
    I don't know why. These are just the rules
  4. Christmas Tree Chopping Occurs On the First Sunday in December (though is negotiable based on sibling availability)
  5. The Tree Chopping will be followed by a freezing cold picnic of sandwiches, spiked cider, gingerbread, and no fewer than 3 full cups of hot chocolate spilled.
  6. While unpacking ornaments you must exclaim over the broken one, vow to fix it, then gently put it back in the bottom of the box til next year.
    Repeat til you pass away.
  7. You will be raised as an Angel Tree Topper but convert to a Star Tree Topper. You will always use the tinfoil star you made out of a wooden skewer and cardboard when you were super poor and not even engaged yet.
    No other star will ever be acceptable.
  8. You will make one batch of Christmas Cookies to fulfill Imagined Idyllic Motherhood™
    It's 42% less enjoyable than imagined.
  9. VOW TO BRING COOKIES TO ALL YOUR NEIGHBORS!
    Eat them ALL after the kids go to bed, promise yourselves you'll make another batch next week...IMPORTANT: NEVER MAKE A SECOND BATCH!
  10. CHRISTMAS EVE! Dress up, but don't wear shoes. Eat pasta and 7 fish dishes per the Italian tradition**
    **really just one fish dish now that Nonnie's dead... bc tradition + realistic fish consumption, y'know
  11. Prior to bedtime you will call your cousins and read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas over the phone together.
  12. MOST IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS EVE EVENT: make two enormous White Russians, and assemble complicated toys
  13. CHRISTMAS MORNING PROTOCOL
    Awaken too early, sit sleepily on the couch, watch children open gifts***
  14. ***One color wrapping paper for one child, one color for the other. Use both wrapping papers on gifts that are meant to be shared.
  15. 8AM - BEGIN USE OF BAILEY'S AS COFFEE CREAMER
  16. Mom puts out breakfast spread that will rotate and expand all day until dinner time.
    Quiche, Casurla, panettone, bacon, hot cross buns etc
  17. Distribute gifts around in waves. NOTE: paying attention to what everyone is opening & who it's from is recommended but not mandatory.
  18. Stay in your pajamas for the rest of the day. The only activities are: eating, drinking, watching movies.
  19. And that's Christmas™