EMBARRASSING DAY DREAMS I HAVE

All of my day dreams are super embarrassing, very intricate, and involved. Here are my top 5.
  1. I'm the quartermaster on a pirate ship and I am in love with the captain but he's not in love with me, he's in love with some awful wench back on land. No matter how many times I give him sage pirate advice and help him face insurmountable danger, he still goes back to his tawdry lady love. Until one day I get a job offer from another captain...
  2. I'm a war hero and a lady. My poignant stateside interviews help usher in a new age of tolerance and also gender equality. But not before I kick some ass as a war hero. Like something definitely blows up behind me as I swagger away nonchalantly.
  3. I am in a cafe and I see my celebrity crush du jour across the room. Our eyes meet over the crushing throng of people. I give him 30 seconds of smoldering eye contact and then walk out of his life forever. But he comes after me! He must know my name! I laugh throatily and politely turn him down. I'm mysterious.
  4. I walk into a party and see my favorite ex boyfriend. I look so good, he's deeply regretting breaking up with me. Just as he begins to flirt with me, my new boyfriend walks through the door. We are clearly so in tune and happy with one another. My favorite ex boyfriend realizes that I'm The One Who Got Away.
  5. I own a creaky inn up on the New England coastline. It's autumn in my colonial town, and a version of The Crucible is being filmed. The actor playing John Proctor comes to town early to get into character and says at my inn (luxury will only distract him from his character prep). He and I don't get along. Or do we?...