HOW TO CHOOSE AND CREATE AN AWARD WINNING HALLOWEEN COSTUME IN LESS THAN SIX HOURS

  1. Go to Pinterest.
  2. Search any or all of the following phrases:
    Costumes, Halloween costumes, meme costumes, big costumes, cardboard box costumes, big box costumes
  3. Do NOT use any of the following phrases while searching:
    Sexy, DIY, funny, adult
  4. Scroll through for about an hour.
  5. Laugh at all the funny baby costumes:
  6. Get distracted by those for about 20 minutes.
  7. Get back to business.
  8. Pick a costume that requires you hit the jackpot at Goodwill.
  9. Discard this choice because you are a realist.
    (Not really but tuck it away for next year.)
  10. Choose another costume that only requires using pieces of an old costume and a few items from Michaels.
    Sorry, @joannfabrics , you are across town and I'm on a time crunch.
  11. Hit up Michaels. Spend $13.
  12. Set up a workstation and pull out the big guns:
  13. Staple gun
  14. Glue gun
  15. Craft the fuck out of your old costume for about 45 minutes.
  16. Pause for 20 minutes to make a list.
  17. Add a few final touches.
  18. Marvel at your genius.