1. When I was younger my dad told me his middle name was Ebenezer.
    It's Roy.
  2. He has been a truck driver/mover since he was seventeen.
    He moved my mom's neighbors and that's how they met.
  3. He has four older sisters who adore him.
  4. He can eat unbelievably big bowls of ice cream.
  5. His dad was a known ladies man who had a second family on the side.
    My parents will celebrate 38 years of marriage this fall.
  6. I didn't know he smoked until I was 12.
    My mom always made him smoke outside and I just thought he liked doing yard work and that was just his natural smell.
  7. We were kind of poor growing up so we had to find free ways to have fun. My dad would take us uptown on weekend evenings when it was a ghost town to play in the big buildings. We'd run up on the down escalators and drive so fast through the parking garages with the windows down while making siren noises as loud as we could.
    One time one of the security guards happened to be an old truck driver friend of my dad so he took us out onto the roof of the second tallest building. It was magical and terrifying.
  8. He also took us to the tennis ball park.
  9. Our neighborhood had a lot of Jehovah Witnesses who would come around and talk to you at your door. My dad invited them inside from time to time.
    Once after one of their visits he looked up at our family photo on the wall and realized that earlier in the day he had stuck two nerf darts to my mom's boobs in the picture.
  10. He only goes to church on Christmas and Easter.
    He wears these tight green corduroy pants every Christmas Eve. They're his "Christmas Eve pants" and I love them.
  11. In grocery stores dad walks a few feet ahead of you and will randomly throw a pack of diapers or a can of corn over his head to you and yell, "Catch!" And you better fucking be ready to catch it.
  12. In the moving business lamp shades are a pain in the ass bc they are fragile and expensive. One time my dad found an old one at his warehouse and straightened it out and set it on the ground. Then he held a big heavy box over it and waited for his boss to walk by. When he finally did, dad acted like he was dropping the box on the lampshade.
    I love this story so much and I'm sorry if it doesn't translate. I play it over in my head all the time and it always makes me laugh.
  13. He used to ask me, "How come Danny has three sisters but you only have two?" And I would get so mad and jealous.
  14. He used to torture us in ways only a dad could dream up:
  15. "Finger of death" is when you poke someone in the sternum so hard but somehow it is also incredibly tickly.
  16. "Knock down man" is when someone is squatting down on the balls of their feet and you just gently push them and they fall over.
  17. He'd also knock our knees out when we were standing with them locked or pull our toes until the knuckles popped.
  18. He's so affectionate. My mother is not so it is always extra needed.
  19. When I was away at summer camp as a teenager he would send me post cards that said, "The weather is here! Wish you were beautiful!"
  20. He's a great listener and always calls to check on me my first week of school each year.
  21. He says bye-bye instead of just bye.
    I'm not even sure he is aware he does this.
  22. When his first grandchild was on the way he said he didn't want to be called peepaw or anything horrible like that.
    He decided he would be Tom the Destroyer and I would be Aunt Amie Warrior Princess.
  23. One time we were at a party at a family friend's house and he got a little drunk. I was driving him home and we pulled up behind a cop car. He kept saying, "Just tap him. Just give him a little tap." And then he reached over and laid on the horn!
    I was petrified but he just giggled.
  24. He used to lay on the bottom of the pool so we could "surf" on his back.
  25. He used to ski and ride motorcycles. He loves to ride bicycles but hasn't had one in years.
  26. I've only seen him cry sad tears a handful of times.
    His parents and sister's funerals. When his awesome coworker/friend died of a brain tumor and when he had to tell us that he owed thousands in back taxes and that was why we were so poor.
  27. I've seen him cry from laughing innumerable times.
  28. He loves to mess with my mom-tickle her and grab her ass and kiss her neck. She always spurns his advances but it's cute nonetheless.
  29. He's the only one who calls my mom Big Nance to her face.
  30. I get my sense of humor, my McGuiver-ness and my love of antiques from him.
  31. Once my mom and sisters and I were at Girl Scout camp for the weekend and then we returned dad had bought a '63 Chevy Nova for $1800. My mom almost divorced him over it.
    We all loved that car. My brother wrecked it a year later and ruined the axel. It sat in our driveway for over 15 years because we couldn't afford to fix it. Last summer my dad sold it for the exact same amount he paid for it.
  32. My dad is the smallest person in our family of six. He is probably 5'5" and 130 lbs.
    He is like Ant Man though. I've seen him carry a giant refrigerator on his back.
  33. When my niece was 3 she said, "Papa is strong as hell."
    We all laughed and it is now one of our family's catch phrases.
  34. The first time Daniel came to pick me up on a date my dad walked out to meet him and said, "Daniel, I know my girls aren't much to look at but I sure do appreciate you taking one of them out." And he handed him ten bucks.
    When we got in the car I was laughing so hard and Daniel just said confusedly, "Did your dad just call you ugly?!"
  35. The next weekend when Daniel brought me home at 5:30 a.m. after a night of chatting and falling in love and watching the weather channel (not a euphemism) my dad said to him the next day about him dropping me off so late/early, "If I hadn't been in my underwear, your jaw would've been wired shut."
  36. I remember looking out at the backyard once when I was in middle school and my dad was doing back flips on our trampoline. He fell off but only had a few broken toes.
    He had been drinking.
  37. In Ohio while visiting family he rolled a four-wheeler and broke a few ribs.
    I've never seen him in more pain and I've never been so terrified of the day he gets old.
  38. A few years ago he fell out of the hole of the attic and tore both his rotator cuffs.
    After surgeries and lots of physical therapy he says now it's like it never even happened.
  39. He dances really ridiculously to get his kids and grandkids laughing.
  40. All my friends adore him and he loves them too.
  41. In high school my sister and I shared a car we affectionately called Little Blue. When dad bought it for us and took us on our first spin he told us not to bother with the AC because it didn't work.
    A year later I was driving dad somewhere and he turned on the air and IT WORKED. I said, "DAD. YOU TOLD US IT DIDN'T WORK!" And he said, "And you believed me?!?!"
  42. He has classic dad jokes that he uses on us all the time. Luckily for him we have bad memories so he always gets us with them over and over.
  43. When I was younger he told me he dreamed he ate a giant marshmallow and when he woke up his pillow was gone.
  44. When old houses around town are about to be bulldozed he goes in and strips them of bead board, corbels, and other cool architectural features.
    Most people call this "trespassing" and "theft" but he just calls it recycling.
  45. He only reads Stephen King and Dave Barry.
  46. He has never told me I am beautiful or said that he is proud of me.
    But the way he treats me and has raised me says it all and I am the awesome woman I am today bc of his kindness and love and humor and cleverness.
  47. Static
  48. Static