Reasons I Don't Like My Husband's Dog, Ranked
This is my darkest side. I keep it hidden as much as I can but eventually the hatred just seeps out or I explode.
- •She gets underfoot.She's constantly in my way in the kitchen or on the stairs. If she makes me or Ellie fall and causes injury IT WILL BE ON.
- •She sheds a disgusting amount.Any amount would be disgusting to me.
- •She barks a lot.I have a sound sensitivity issue and Luna does not give a fuck.
- •She brings me zero joy.I'm pretty sure that is the sole purpose of having a pet so I feel kind of screwed. I promise I tried in the beginning but I'm just not wired to derive joy from a smelly, useless creature. She brings Daniel seemingly infinite amounts of joy so that's why she's even still here.
- •She's horrible on walks.She pulls with the ancient strength of huskies, randomly tries to run into the street, snaps at children, and she tries to eat weird shit: a baby squirrel, a used condom, several chicken bones, a baby mole and lots of mysterious items she swallowed before we were able to pry them out of her mouth.
- •She smells bad.The only thing worse than normal dog smell is wet dog smell even if she's wet from just having had a bath. It makes me want to vomit and I'm not speaking hyperbolically. I literally wretch when she's near me sometimes.
- •She poops around the neighborhood and I'm a good citizen so I pick it up most of the time.It's the most humbling part of my day and it stinks and I have to CARRY A BAG OF POOP AROUND UNTIL I GET HOME. What the fuck is my life? I confess that D almost always walks her but sometimes he needs me to do it. It's THE WORST. Because she is THE WORST.
- •She can't be crated because she causes herself physical harm.She bites the cage to mangled pieces and then tries to squeeze through the pointy wires. Which leads me to my next reason...
- •She is so fucking expensive.$34 a month for her health checkups at the vet. This doesn't include her semi-annual teeth cleaning which requires her TO BE PUT UNDER ANESTHESIA which I don't even know how much that costs bc I told D never to tell me. I know it would just piss me off. And that doesn't include any other weird sicknesses dogs get or her flea pill/shot? or her being watched when we're out of town or her big ass bags of food. Ugghhhh 💸💸💸💸💸💸💸
- •She bites guests.Especially men, sometimes women. So far she hasn't bitten a child. It's one of my biggest fears.
- •She runs away every chance she gets.Last week she pushed past me and took off out the doorway when I was walking Ellie to the car with my hands full. I had to lock Ellie in the house and chase Luna all around the neighborhood bc I knew D would be DEVASTATED if anything happened to her. I caught her and was late to work. Next time, I swear I'll just say fuck it and go on my merry way.
- •She pees in the house.My blood pressure shot up just thinking about it. I spend a lot of fucking time cleaning and she's a disgusting animal who has gone years without peeing in the house and then all of a sudden thinks it's okay. I swear I'm gonna kill her some day. Lord help me.
- •Daniel rarely admits she is anything less than perfect.This is by far the most irritating fact of all. Sometimes when she does any of the above atrocities he just pets her and snuggles her and says "she's a good girl." I think he mostly does it to annoy me. It works. ⛏🔫🛠🔫💣🔨🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪