GRADE A TIPS FOR KEEPING YOUR JOB

  1. Hour 1
    Greet everyone you hate. Refresh your Twitter feed incessantly, as you must catch up on the world's events
  2. Hour 2
    Offer to make coffee for the whole office while your computer "loads". Walk around with a personal pot for everyone
  3. Hour 3
    Take a pee/shit break in your fav restroom. Continue scrolling on your phone despite the growing line forming outside of it
  4. Hour 4
    Refuse to react to the abundance of white privilege around you. But pop off occasionally, especially when words like "ratchet" and "ghetto" start getting thrown into weekend recaps
  5. Hour 5
    Volunteer to run an errand for the office just to add an extra 30 minutes to your lunch break. Watch mom vlogs in your car.
  6. Hour 6
    Take a mini mental nap while you meet with your supervisor about the week's tasks
  7. Hour 7
    Actually address your work?
  8. Hour 8
    Just give up & go home. You have a Pinterest recipe you've been itching to try anyway.
  9. Rinse & repeat