MY GROWN ASS STILL CANNOT

Any ideas on how to go about achieving these would be gr8
  1. 1.
    Clip my ends
  2. 2.
    Digest spicy food
  3. 3.
    Hold it together. I cry at everything remotely cute/heartbreaking that exists around me
    Like this picture from BuzzFeed's snap chat. LOOK HOW CUTE
  4. 4.
    Change my oil/tires
    This is especially annoying when your dad works for a motor company but hesitantly shares knowledge with you
  5. 5.
    Get oil stains out of clothing
    Especially hard for us women of color 😭
  6. 6.
    Cook gourmet meals
    Shouldn't I like, idk, know how to make filet mignon by now? Or greens? Or ribs? Ugh.
  7. 7.
    Distinguish white people from one another
    Liekkkkkk???
  8. 8.
    Give a fuck